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In a world that’s becoming increasingly open about sex, relationships, and personal identity, more people are exploring ways to deepen intimacy, expand their pleasure, and express themselves. One popular and empowering tool that allows for all of the above is the strap on dildo. This versatile sex toy has grown in popularity among couples of all orientations and gender identities, breaking away from outdated stigmas and opening doors to new sexual adventures.
A strap-on dildo is a sex toy that allows one person to penetrate another using a dildo that is attached to a harness, typically worn around the waist and hips. The person wearing the harness controls the movement and thrusting, offering a dynamic form of penetrative sex.
While often associated with lesbian couples, strap-on dildos are used by people of all genders and sexual orientations. They’re frequently used in heterosexual relationships for pegging, by transgender and non-binary individuals for gender-affirming intimacy, and by anyone looking to explore new sensations or power dynamics.
The appeal of strap-on dildos is widespread. Here's a breakdown of who uses them and why:
Lesbian and queer couples use them to explore penetrative sex.
Heterosexual couples may use them for pegging (anal penetration of a male partner by a female partner).
Transgender and non-binary people often find them useful for gender-affirming sexual experiences.
Couples facing erectile dysfunction may use strap-ons as a reliable alternative for penetration.
Individuals exploring kink appreciate them for power play, dominance, and submission dynamics.
No matter the reason, the common thread is curiosity, exploration, and a desire for connection and pleasure.
Strap-on dildos come in various designs to cater to different preferences and bodies. Here are the most common types:
This is the most popular type. A harness, often adjustable, is worn around the waist and thighs to hold a dildo in place. Many come with an O-ring system that allows users to switch out dildos of different sizes and shapes.
Also known as a “double-ended dildo,” one part of the toy is inserted into the wearer’s vagina and held in place using pelvic muscles, while the other part is used for penetration. These allow for more skin-to-skin contact and stimulation for both partners.
This system uses a locking mechanism to attach the dildo securely to the harness. It allows for easy changing of dildo types and sizes mid-play and is favored by more experienced users.
These strap-ons are designed with two shafts—one for vaginal and one for anal penetration—allowing for simultaneous stimulation or multiple partner use.
Hollow strap-ons are ideal for people with penises who may struggle with erectile dysfunction or simply want to experiment with different sensations. These strap-ons can be worn over the penis.
Choosing a strap-on isn’t one-size-fits-all. Consider these factors:
If you’re new to strap-ons, start with something smaller and slim. Once you become more comfortable, you can experiment with longer or thicker dildos. Some are curved for G-spot or prostate stimulation, while others are more realistic in shape.
Silicone is the most popular material due to its durability, flexibility, and safety. It’s non-porous, easy to clean, and body-safe. Other materials like rubber, jelly, or PVC may be cheaper, but they can be porous and more difficult to keep clean.
Harnesses come in a variety of styles, including:
Jock-strap style: Secure and widely available.
Panty-style: Comfortable and often more discreet.
Corset-style: Decorative and supportive.
Choose one that’s adjustable and offers comfort during movement.
If you’re exploring strap-on play for the first time, it’s normal to feel a little unsure. These tips can help make the experience fun and comfortable:
Before trying anything new, talk to your partner about your boundaries, interests, and expectations. Consent and communication are the foundation of any positive sexual experience.
Lubrication reduces friction and increases comfort for both partners. Water-based lubricants are best for silicone toys and easy to clean up.
Take time to get used to wearing the harness and walking around in it. Try solo practice to understand how thrusting feels and how to adjust the straps for comfort.
Start with gentle movements and build up based on what feels good for both of you. Pay attention to verbal and nonverbal feedback.
Missionary, doggy style, standing, and spooning are all great positions to try. Find what feels most natural and enjoyable.
Using a strap-on dildo isn’t just about physical pleasure—it also has mental and emotional rewards.
For the person wearing the strap-on, it can be empowering to take control and explore new forms of dominance or assertiveness. It may also help some people feel more aligned with their gender identity.
For the receiving partner, especially in pegging or anal play, being penetrated can bring about vulnerability. When done with mutual respect and communication, it can create a deep level of trust and intimacy.
Strap-on play allows partners to step outside of traditional gender roles and try something new without fear or judgment.
Proper care of your strap-on dildo and harness is essential for safety and longevity:
Clean after every use: Use warm water and a toy cleaner or mild soap.
Boil silicone dildos (if no mechanical parts) for full sterilization.
Clean harnesses: Many fabric harnesses are machine washable; leather ones should be wiped down.
Use condoms: Especially if sharing the toy or switching between anal and vaginal penetration.
Store separately: Keep your toys in a dry, clean place and avoid mixing materials that can degrade each other.
There are still many myths around strap-on dildos. Let’s bust a few:
“It’s only for lesbians.” Not true—people of all orientations use strap-ons.
“It’s emasculating for men.” On the contrary, many men report powerful and pleasurable experiences from being penetrated.
“It’s just a kink thing.” While used in kink, strap-ons are also part of healthy, loving, and even romantic relationships.
The strap on dildo is much more than a sex toy—it’s a tool for exploration, empowerment, intimacy, and fun. Whether you’re curious, experienced, or just beginning your journey, strap-on play can help unlock new levels of pleasure and trust with your partner. With the right communication, preparation, and mindset, it becomes not only a source of physical delight but also a gateway to deeper emotional connection and self-confidence.