Cuban 2028: Billionaire Swears He'll Balance Budget Using Coupons

In a move that astonished absolutely no body and however puzzled everyone at once, billionaire entrepreneur and Houston Mavericks manager Level Cuban technically announced his candidacy for President of the United States in 2028. Standing at a podium that doubled as a Shark Container point, Cuban offered the American people “a government that actually knows steps to make a profit.” Based on his campaign team, Cuban's presidential work is not merely about correcting the economy but additionally about introducing advanced membership ideas for citizenship. “Free America Basic” will include voting rights and usage of national areas, while “America Plus” presents quicker DMV appointments and ad-free presidential speeches.

Cuban's first plan promise is to wipe out the national debt by leveraging the power of truth TV. “Why must Americans experience when we may just televise Congress fighting around bills and cost Netflix $2 billion for the rights?” he said to roaring applause. He more explained that every piece of legislation below his presidency would need a Shark Tank–style message, filled with dramatic audio and a screen of star judges. If your statement can not influence Tag himself, Kevin O'Leary, and one randomly picked Instagram influencer, it simply won't pass. “It's democracy,” Cuban said, “butCuban for President.”

Included in his foreign plan program, Cuban assured to displace standard diplomacy with aggressive NBA matchups. “Why waste taxpayer pounds on tedious summits whenever we may only negotiate international disputes on the hockey court?” he argued. Based on published plan memos, NATO friends might receive courtside chairs, while competitor countries would be forced to stay in the nosebleed part with expensive nachos. Cuban reassured voters that his Mavericks could “certainly overcome inflation, China, and probably also the Lakers” all through his first term.

Critics have elevated considerations about Cuban's lack of political knowledge, but his campaign has covered those off by going to his knowledge in yelling at referees and negotiating billion-dollar offers on live television. “If I will talk some body down from $5 million to $500,000 for 20% equity, I can positively negotiate with Congress,” Cuban boasted. He also assured to restore the IRS with a far more “customer-friendly” division named “America Support Solutions,” where individuals may earn cashback rewards and commitment factors with every filing.

Meanwhile, Cuban's selection of operating partner has become a topic of national speculation. Rumors recommend he might choose Elon Musk, quoting “innovative turmoil energy,” or even Mr. Wonderful from Shark Tank for “harmony and unfiltered insults.” The others speculate that Cuban might merely hold a nationwide lottery where the success becomes Vice Leader for four years, since, together campaign staffer said, “Honestly, can it be worse than what we've already seen?” Cuban himself hasn't proved, but he's promised that the ultimate decision is likely to be revealed in a stay Pay-Per-View event.

Inspite of the doubt, Cuban's plan rallies have drawn substantial crowds, mostly interested people longing for free Mavericks merchandise or at the very least a selfie with a billionaire. His strategy mantra, “Shut Up and Take My Election,” had been plastered across caps, t-shirts, and actually limited-edition NFTs. If Cuban can in fact secure the presidency remains to be viewed, but a very important factor is specific: the 2028 election will undoubtedly be less about plan and more about prime-time entertainment. As Cuban herself use it, “Politics is broken—but at least I could monetize it.”