Tip No.210 - Words that sting and words that heal Words that sting. ...

Words that sting.

Over the years, I have been the recipient of words by others that cut deep and scarred my self-esteem. I also know that there have been times that I have spoken words to hurt others whether out of anger, insecurity, frustration or stress. Either way as the recipient or the giver these words are spoken:

-out of spite

-to inflict pain

-to get even

-to manipulate or control

-out of ignorance

-out of insecurity

-out of frustration

-out of anxiety

-out of pain

-out of arrogance

Each of us have or have had people in our life - friends, strangers,

family members, and fellow employees - who, for whatever reason, have

sent biting, hurtful words our way. Often, these people are not even aware

of the pain they cause us, unless we tell them. 

What are some examples of words that sting?  It depends. Some

simple, ordinary and positive words used in a negative context or

with a negative tone or with a condescending and patronizing attitude

can be just as damaging. Here are a few examples of some common

words that can sting.

-You never.

-You should.

-You always.

-You are wrong.

-You need to change.

-Don't do 'whatever'.

-I can never forgive you.

-You don't understand.

-If you cared/loved me you would____.

-I can't believe you said that.

-Anything that invalidates the other person.

-Anything that is meant to manipulate the other person.

-Anything that is meant to inflict pain on the other person.

Life is perceptual. Each of us reacts uniquely to the words used by others. One person's words sent with a vindictive spirit can bounce off one person, but

damage another for life.

What can we do if we have to deal with people on a regular basis who have the habit of sending these 'words that sting?'  A few thoughts:

1. Fight back with stinging words of your own. Not a recipe for effective relationships.

2. Defend yourself.

3. Make the other person aware of how his/her words affect you.

4. Ignore them. Often difficult, folks.

5. Show them how their negative communication impacts the relationship.

Words that heal.

When we string together different words in our communication, we can cause: anger, frustration, joy, happiness, sadness, and a variety of other positive and negative emotions in the other person. There are, however, a few very short sentences that can go a long way to heal a relationship. Some of these are:

1. I understand.

2. Please forgive me.

3. I am sorry.

4. I like you just the way you are.

5. I forgive you.

6. You are right.

7. It's going to be OK.

8. I accept you.

9. You are loveable.

10. You are loved.

11. You are important.

12. You are special.

13. I love you just the way you are.

14. I really like you.

15. You are so; clever, smart, creative, nice, thoughtful etc.

Let's summarize. What we are talking about here is being nice, kind and loving with your partner vs. intolerant, hateful and non-accepting. I suggest you take a close look at some of your relationships that seemed to be filled with anxiety and stress to see how your words are contributing to less than favorable conditions - regardless of whether you are on the giving or receiving end.